Go Chargers!

Didn't think it through: Umbrella Cane

Because when it rains, cane users rather stay dry than stay on their feet.
Get a fucking raincoat.

Silent word

If you take the second S from brass, the i from pail, the second l from tall, the e from pie, the n from column, and the t from depot it would spell silent but you wouldn't hear it.

3D printer

I'm going to 3d print the unreleased portion of the Mayan calendar. Its carved in stone, with kittens on it.

Not a million dollars...

I don't get out of bed for less.

Ear popping

When your ears pop when you go up a mountain, I think you should smell little ear wax farts.

Studfinder

No stud found.

Fool me once, shame on you...

Fool me twice... We don't get fooled again. Don't get fooled again. No no!

Cock

There is more than one way to skin a...

couch.

Fortune Cookie Typo

Mandy admires me.

Global warming

Solar panels cause global warming because they get really hot.

Observational humor vs. Obvious humor

Observational humor is Seinfeld where as obvious humor is me spelling out that observational humor and obvious humor are not the same thing.

Productivity at its best.

Dusting.

Ikea slaves

If the prisons the IKEA slaves were made by IKEA then they would be easy to break out of.

Flat tire

...and waiting at the tire store.

iVoted

Apple makes great voting machines.

Rustic

I like how rustic is a positive way of saying I did a poor job.

Hole

I dug it myself.

Unsolicited advice cookie

Don't tell me what to do fortune cookie!

Washcloth art

Cum Sock Puppet costume

Jack o'lantern

I carved it myself.

Shut In Clothing line

The clothing line no one has heard of because people only wear it at home.

That's funny

Mascot motorcycle rider

I hope the mascot is wearing a helmet under his costume.

Medieval Times!

Batman

Some people bring home old furniture from the side of the road, other people... Batman.

Warning

Children's allergy relief warning to be careful when driving.

Waiting Room

Fugazi
Waiting Room lyrics

I am a patient boy
I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait
My time is like water down a drain
Everybody's moving,
Everybody's moving,
Everybody's moving, moving, moving, moving
Please don't leave me to remain
In the waiting room
...

Super time traveling amnesiac

Chapter one

Dog sundial

With a dog this short, her shadow always shows as midday.

Building suspense

I like it when a story starts off slow. It's calm and you're getting to know the characters. There isn't much going on and you're waiting for...
And then...
Nevermind, I'm bored.

The internet thinks I have a small penis.

Seven emails in a row can't be wrong.

Screen shot chat

I'm too lazy to type it twice but I'll spend time cropping screenshots of chat.

Set up

Glad I spent time setting up this blog. Here is where I would put my selfdeprecating jokes but I'm fantastic right now so I can't think of anything. I invented the word boresting and urban dictionary accepted it.
Oh! Oh!! I just thought of something selfdeprecating. Urban dictionary is like the sock I jerk off into. It'll accept anything. Now thats some boresting blogging.